I was not fat. Looking at me a few months ago, you'd see a
few extra pounds on a small frame. My shape was proportionate, but not perfect.
By 1960s standards, I was probably ideal. By today's
standards, I was curvy.
At 5'9", I considered 155 and up the danger zone. To
me, 150 was acceptable. 145 was my happy place. And 140, a number I hadn't seen
since age 16, was the pie-in-the-sky goal, the number I never expected to see
again.
I now weigh 133. This is how I did it.
1. Keep a food diary.
The cold hard truth of what I ate stared back at me in black
and white. Seeing that made me change a few things.
I didn't "count calories." But I kept track of
what I was eating and how much. I started measuring the cereal in my morning
bowl. The cheese on my quesadilla. The handful of nuts on my salad. Being able
to ballpark the caloric impact of my meals and snacks, to see where I was
overdoing it, was very useful. I turned a 500-calorie meal into a 400-calorie
meal with nearly no effort at all. And that 300-calorie snack? My food diary
helped me justify whether it was even worth it.
Full disclosure: I was going through a breakup. I had little
appetite, and no desire to cook. I used to spend a lot of time preparing elaborate
meals for this man, and now that I was alone, I didn't want to do that. I made
a lot of small, simple meals like protein shakes and veggie burgers.
2. Move EVERY DAY.
I made exercise the rule, not the exception. I woke up early
to go running before work. I went to boot camp group classes at night. On the
weekends, I would go on hour-long hikes. Even on the days when my schedule was
packed, I would go on a 20-minute walk during my lunch hour.
I used to exercise pretty regularly, but I've never been so
committed to exercise until now. Every day, I made time for activity, even at a
minimum of 20 minutes. Anyone can do that and work up.
Besides, now I had loads of free time to fill. And exercise helped
me escape from my heartache. It helped clear my mind and was therapeutic. I
started to look forward to it, and felt like something was missing from my day
if I didn't get my workout in.
3. Give up desserts.
I knew my weak spot, my source of temptation. It was sweets.
And since they can pack a pretty punch in calories, eliminating them completely
was the way to go. (I also tied it to Lent, so I definitely couldn't cheat —
God was watching.)
For me, going cold turkey was best. I knew otherwise I would
try to make rationalizations and justifications on a case-by-case basis. I even
went to Cheesecake Factory with the family and had a coupon for a free slice of
cheesecake… and I abstained. Pretty proud of that one!
The only thing I allowed myself during Lent was semisweet
chocolate chips.
Now that Lent is over, do I eat desserts? Sometimes. Not
very often. I no longer need something sweet at the end of every day. Once in a
while I'll allow myself a treat, but I'll work it into my daily food consumption.
But I don't need it. I can say no. And the realization that I have that power,
that food does not control me, is a motivating feeling.
4. Cut back on alcohol.
This one's pretty simple. Extra calories, no nutritional
value, and costs money. Did I stop drinking completely? No. I still went to
happy hour here and there. I still enjoyed nights out with friends.
But I used to crack open a bottle of wine a few times a
week. I'd settle in on the couch with the boyfriend and we'd have a few drinks
and talk and flirt. It was almost a daily occurrence to have some wine with
dinner or a few beers.
Since I was feeling down, I could've self-medicated with
alcohol. But I didn't. I knew it wasn't going to help. I decided to be more mindful
about how much I drank, how often, and the reason why.
5. No self-punishment.
I didn't follow a strict diet. I ate some big meals. There
were some holidays, some late night snacks. Some days I didn't keep track of
food consumption because I didn't want to know.
Too many times, in earlier years, dieting seemed hopeless. I'd
do really well but then fall off the wagon. I would feel dejected and give up. But
this time, I wasn't dieting. I was changing.
I didn't beat myself up. I respected my journey. I gave
myself allowances for bad decisions and moved on, understanding that every day
is a new one. Change is fluid. I don't let any negativity enter my mind, and I
live every day as its own. I am listening to my body.
6. There is a down side.
If you asked me if I'm happy at 133 pounds, I would say I
don't know. There are pros and cons. I've saved lots of money on food, only
buying the necessities, but now hardly anything fits. I have to go shopping for
an entire new wardrobe, or get my clothes altered, both of which aren't cheap. My
waist is whittled, but my breasts have shrunk.
If you asked me if I'm happy with my healthier habits, I
would tell you a resounding yes. My body is fitter and faster and my mind is at
ease. When my stomach expresses its desires, I listen and evaluate. I am in complete
control of what goes into my mouth, and every decision is a conscious one.
Will I lose more weight? I might, or I might not. I'm not
going to worry about it. At my height, with a small frame, the recommended
weight range is 129 to 142. I'm not underweight or overweight, I'm right in the middle.
And I do look pretty great in a bikini. Good thing I have a
push-up top.
